Update: I just couldn't leave this review as it was, given Winona Ryder's amazing “Drunk History” portrayal of Benedict Arnold's wife, Peggy Shippen. 

This book was everything that I didn't know that I didn't know about George Washington (you know, like in that punnet square of things you know you know etc.). Prior to reading this, I kind of assumed that I was knowledgeable about GW, I guess just through osmosis (my walk to work literally follows the Freedom Trail).

Turns out that, despite commuting from historical points A to B on the daily, my knowledge of revolutionary-era America was pretty limited. The joy of the book, for me, was very much in the details.

Exhibit A: Peggy Shippen (well, technically Arnold) pretty much ran a pseudo honeypot on Washington and co. to get her traitorous husband out of trouble, showing up scantily clad (by 18th century standards) feigning ignorance. That's right George Washington, you got played by this little minx.

While Chernow gives dimension and complexity to Washington's character and leadership, it doesn't come across as an attempt to smear a whitewashed vision of Washington that has been passed down through history. I found my opinions of and about Washington evolving with his own perceptions of the world. Though, obviously I didn't start off with Washington thinking that one should pick a slave with good teeth (ironic given his dental situation).

Long of the short, this book is pretty revolutionary (see what I did there?)

The Life of Martin Van Buren: Heir-Appar...

Usually I just use the name of the book as the title for my review, however in this case the full title, “The Life of Martin Van Buren: Heir-Apparent to the “Government” and the Appointed Successor of General Andrew Jackson: Containing Every Authentic Particular by Which His Extraordinary Character Has Been Formed: With a Concise History of the Events That Have Occasioned His Unparalleled Elevation: Together With a Review of His Policy as a Statesman,” made that a bit impractical. The author has a tendency to be incredibly long-winded, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Reading Rationale

Aside from the fact that there isn't a particularly wide selection of Martin Van Buren biographies out there (and the fact that this one was free), it was the author's name that really piqued my interest in this one. Due to an apparent lack of folkloric literacy, I was shocked to find that Davy Crockett was actually a real person. I thought the coonskin cap-wearing, cabin-dwelling guy belonged among the ranks of Paul Bunyan or (well, I was gonna say Johnny Appleseed, but it turns out he was real too).

In my defense, Disney's appropriation of Crockett as a character threw a wrench in my reasoning. Is Jack Sparrow real? Do I need to start watching out for Mr. Toad next time I'm on the expressway?

Crockett's Case

To put it lightly, Davy Crockett was not a fan of MVB. Though he certainly knew how to draw a crowd when canvassing the country to tell his tales in person, Crockett's thoughts on Van Buren were (evidently) too important not to be put to the page. 

Crockett's complaints were reminiscent of the anti-Kerry ads in the 2004 presidential race; MVB, it would seem, was a flip-flopper, and that (though he was basically hand picked by Jackson as his successor) he is no Old Hickory. Of course, Crockett puts things in different words:

“Every thinking man...must see that Van Buren is as opposite to General Jackson as dung is to a diamond.”

Yeah, Crockett keeps it folksy, which is fun—well, fun to a point. The thing about Crockett (to this modern reader) is that he undermines his clever turns of phrase by going on, and on, and on. For example: 

“Statesmen are gamesters, and the people are the cards they play with.”

Ok. Good analogy Davy, but then he goes on to list how this applies to shuffling, card tricks, games of whist, games of poker, and just about anything having to do with cards ever.

Martin Van Buren: the Original Pol

What Crockett says is true. MVB was happy enough to switch allegiances in order to get himself in position to be on the winning side of things. And was he (Van Buren) a “selfish and insidious deceiver”? Probably. After all, they did end up calling him the “Little Magician” for landing on the winning side of every debate.

Crockett can be given points for running an effective smear campaign (true or not, the facts offered are definitely of the “attack ad” flavor). But MVB landed in office nonetheless. 

Because this was a pre-election book (duh), I actually bothered to read another (mercifully brief) Van Buren piece, Martin Van Buren: lawyer, statesman and man. As to whether or not I will summon the strength to review that one, only time will tell.

Preliminary Bitchings (and assorted moanings):

Sometimes you get what you pay for, and I chose this book primarily because it was free. This is as close as I have ever come to tossing a book out the window, which is saying something, given that it's less than 200 pages long. I've accomplished this feat by way of a series of threats and bribes to myself, which (in the bribe department) included reading Bill Bryson's One Summer: America, 1927 in hopes of finding some titillating historical context for Hoover's era. So, let it be known that, should anything interesting make it's way into this review, it's probably in error.

Why so serious boring?

This book's author, Vernon Kellogg, was an entomologist who taught Herbert Hoover at Stanford, and subsequently worked with him abroad doing food aid/relief work. According to Bryson, Hoover was all about good PR (issuing press releases regarding whatever good deeds he did- and there were many), and that's precisely how this work reads — it's uncut, 100% pure praise for Herbie Hooves (not a real nickname). Kellogg refers to Hoover as "the hero of our story" on more than one occasion, so it's not like he's hiding it. Nevertheless, this isn't a style that really jumps off the page.

Oh, and also, turns out Hoover was a really, really boring dude. His strengths, though necessary for the world to run smoothly, do not make for fascinating fodder. Of Hoover as a college boy Kellogg writes:

"...he revealed an unusual faculty for 'organizing' and 'administering' which is precisely a faculty that as a man he has revealed to the world in highest degree."

For the briefest of moments I thought I had hapsed upon a lighter side of Herbert Hoover when I found a shot of him with Stanford's inaugural football team, but (classic Hoover) he was, true to form, the student manager. 

The Mining Man

Hoover was a geology major at Stanford (which you can tell, since geology students apparently just sat around taking pictures with geology equipment for kicks all day), and had a knack for (as you may have gathered) administering and getting things done.

The next phase of his life would, in this day and age, have made for a Bar Rescue or Kitchen Nightmares-style reality television show, except, ya know, with mining. 

"Hoover really developed a new profession in connection with mining; a profession of making good mines out of bad ones, of making bankrupt mining concerns solvent..."

This part didn't have to be so damn boring, but, alas, it was. Why? Because Kellogg can't go more than a paragraph without extolling the virtues of Hoover the Great.

"Herbert Hoover is a great miner because he is—I say it bluntly and not from any blind hero-worship—a great man."

Seriously Vern, pull yourself together!

The Great Administrator

Hoover knew how to get shit done. I'll give him that much. So I have no reason to mock him for what he accomplished by creating the Commission for Relief in Belgium. He wasn't exactly "hands on" about it, but, as the data monkey for getting funding for non-profits, I can relate.

When America decided to saunter its way into WWI, Wilson told Hoover it was time to come home and deal with the food situation on the other side of the pond (the American side), and Hoover became the director of the U.S. Food Administration.Again, he had a knack for knowing how to get people to pony up money, and effort- making it the patriotic duty of those who couldn't put their lives on the line to, at least not waste wheat.

Hoover's time wasn't exactly one of balking gender norms, so he knew how to pick a target audience. (Though, tip of the hat to Becky here, you'll note that while the message is to the American Housewife, Hoover's letter addresses the Gentlemen). 

Sure, there was resistance, but who can turn down an order from Uncle Sam? Terrorists, that's who (or communists or whoever we were blaming everything on circa 1917).

I actually found Hoover's success with changing the hearts and minds of the populace with respect to his "staying out of their kitchens" to be interesting, given the current debates surrounding USDA school lunch regulations, soda taxes, banning trans-fats etc. Unfortunately, Kellogg wasn't exactly thinking about his audience in the distant future.

"The picturesque details of the great campaign for food conservation and its results on the intimate habits of the people are too fresh in the memories of us all to need repeating here."

Conclusions

Mine?

This is a supremely boring read, about a pretty boring president (who may not have been as boring as I think, but you're not gonna find that out from giving this one a read - especially since it came out before Hoover became president).

Kellogg's? 

Herbert Hoover = Superman. Oh, you think I'm exaggerating?

"Hoover not only saved lives, but nations and civilizations by his superhuman efforts."

It's over! It's finally over!! Here's hoping the rest of the back nine for my presidential readings go more smoothly...

Andrew Johnson was by no measure a great president. He is remembered (if at all) for the circumstances that led to his taking office, perhaps with the added anecdote of his being drunk at Lincoln's inauguration. Author Howard Means does not aim to convince you that Andy Johnson was a great president or even a great man — but he does want to demonstrate that Johnson's stint as POTUS was consequential. And, frankly, he does a pretty good job. What's more, he does so with a bit of flair.

Tennessee Tailor

We can breeze pretty quickly through the younger years of Andy J.: boyhood, bootstraps- you know the drill. Johnson is the second most notable POTUS of his surname and last initial from Tennessee, and I'll mention his apprenticeship as a tailor only because it plays into some op-ed cartoons later on. The best bit of young Andrew's shenanigans was the reward notice put out by his boss after he and his brother went AWOL, which described the two as being of "black hair, eyes, and habits."

As governor of Tennessee he pulled what was undoubtedly his best stunt to-date. In the quite literally violent political environment of 1850ish Nashville, rumor had it that if Johnson deigned to show up at the next town meeting, he wouldn't make it out alive. According to an eyewitness account:

At the appointed hour, he ascended to the platform, and advancing to the desk laid his pistol upon it. 

He then called out his would be assassin in an almost eloquent manner, noting that "the assassination of the individual who now has the honor of addressing you [Andrew Johnson]" was "part of the business to be transacted on the present occasion," concluding this bit with the invitation to "let him shoot." After a lengthy pause for effect: "...he resumed: 'Gentlemen, it appears that I have been misinformed.'"

I wish that the microphone had existed at that time, if only so Andrew Johnson could have dropped it before exiting stage left.  

Latter-day Caligula

Must I mention Johnson's drunken rant at Lincoln's Inauguration? Well, it happened. So, yes. Means gives a combination of well-researched sources, theories as to how the situation may have come about, and humorous accounts, including one unidentified senator who unwittingly forecast things to come.

"Heaven in its mercy avert, we should have Andrew Johnson for President, and sink to a lower degradation than was ever reached by any nation since the Roman Emperor made his horse a consul."

The scene is set for drama befitting its environment.

The District of Columbia in that opening scene of the Johnson administration had many backdrops: crime scene, secessionist hotbed, numbed capital, and home to a teeming population of black freedmen.

What could possibly go wrong?

The Sword of Justice

The people (and preachers) grieving the loss of Lincoln consoled themselves only with the notion that kind-hearted Abe would never have been able to wield "the sword of retributive justice" with sufficient ferocity. 

At first, it seemed that "the bloody-minded tailor" would, indeed quench the bloodthirsty mobs. And yet, Johnson somehow managed to please precisely no one. In an 1867 address to Congress he made what one historian called "the most racist statement ever to appear in the official state papers of any American president." (And that's really saying something.

It must be acknowledged that in the progress of nations Negroes have shown less capacity for government than any other race of people. No independent government of any form has ever been successful in their hands. On the contrary, wherever they have been left to their own devices, they have shown a constant tendency to relapse into barbarism.

Epic Fail

So much can be said about the various ways in which Johnson's Reconstruction was a disaster, and I won't even attempt to sum them all up here. For one thing, he decided it had really been about a labor monopoly that was unfair to white men trying to pick themselves up by their bootstraps (harkening back to his own youth), which just...I have no words. 

I'll leave you with one of Means' parting shots that I most sincerely wish I had written myself.

Andy Johnson didn't have it in him: neither conciliation nor creativity. His synapses didn't leap that way; his neurons wouldn't fire in that direction. It was his way or the highway, and his way seemed always to be right through a brick wall. 

"A fundamentalist is an evangelical who's mad about something." - Jerry Falwell

Jimmy Carter was not a great president, and author Randall Balmer does not intend to change your mind about this. This biography is interwoven with the evolution of the role of religion (evangelical Christianity, if we're being specific) in American politics. It's the story of how the most effusively religious president we've had, one who sought to further the goals of progressive evangelism, would be defeated by the juggernaut of the (then nascent) Religious Right.  

"Identifying oneself as an evangelical" he [Carter] declared in one of his lessons, "entails more than claiming the label Christian. Instead, believers should emulate the life of Jesus, especially his example of love, and respect, and concern for others." 

Jimmy Carter's origin story is pretty well-known. Though he grew up in a religious household, he was "born again" at the age of 11 (a requisite experience for all evangelicals). When considering a career in politics (after serving in the Navy), Carter had to reconcile what was thought at that time to be almost a mutual exclusivity of the religious and bully pulpits. 

Carter, though dedicated to the progressive evangelical principles of helping those on the margins of society, did not ascend in politics without moments of dubious morality (he tacitly leveraged white fright and race relations on his way to becoming governor of Georgia).

The circumstances of the 1976 presidential election were especially ripe for Carter's candidacy. While John F. Kennedy had effectively removed religion from campaigns, in the wake of Nixon's Watergate scandal, America was looking for a president with a strong and overt moral compass.

Carter's time in office was not devoid of achievement. The success of the Camp David Accords, the Panama Canal Treaties, and environmental conservation initiatives (I never knew he had solar panels installed at the white house) were among his most notable successes.   

However, religious leaders with large television audiences who had supported Carter on his way into the oval office, were not all that pleased with his performance. The likes of Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell felt Carter had failed to appoint evangelicals to his cabinet. Likewise, Carter's stance on abortion (which he thought was a state's rights issue), the Equal Rights Amendment (and its feminist implications), as well as the tax exempt status of universities that persisted in segregation, were not in line with those of the 700 Club. 

So, though he survived Ted Kennedy's challenge for the Democratic nomination, Carter was left facing a newly politically galvanized population of the Moral Majority. The Religious Right was on the rise, and they had a new pony in the race, and Jerry Falwell was all to happy to appear before audiences who he encouraged to:

"Vote for the Reagan of your choice." 

In many ways, Jimmy Carter's greatest work was accomplished in the years after his presidency. He went into office a man with strong faith, and exited in much the same way. In fact, he is a frequent Sunday school teacher and guest preacher to this very day. 

Carter's hands-on involvement with Habitat for Humanity, continued dedication to furthering international conflict resolution through his presidential library, and ongoing work to alleviate human suffering and advance human rights earned him the 2002 Nobel Peace Prize.  

One can't help but  admire a man who, at the age of 86 (above) puts into action the principles he has preached throughout his life. In an age where evangelism and conservative politics have become seemingly inseparable, it was refreshing (though at times heartbreaking) to read about a man who focused not only on the issues that have become so divisive today, but the underlying principles of Christianity. I guess I'll let Stephen Colbert close this one up.

Oh, one last note to the future, if you're running for president, you might want to forgo the Playboy interview. I've got no problem with it, but it definitely didn't help Carter any!