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review 2016-10-25 01:28
The Rosie Project A.K.A Sheldon Falls In Love
The Rosie Project - Graeme Simsion

“Restaurants are minefields for the socially inept”

 

 

Like I mentioned in the title of this review,The Rosie Project is what Sheldon's diary would be if he had fallen in love with a woman that was the complete opposite of him. It's quirky,funny and often endearing. The exact type of read I would run to when I needed to shake off a heavy week of *gasp* human contact!!

 

 

I didn't expect this read to be perfect,though. The biggest flaw that bugged me by the end of the plot was the book's shortness. This is a story that craves for depth. You can't just have your socially challenged character turn into a charismatic and extroverted person in a single chapter. But the shortness of the story made that necessary. This book would be heavily benefited from an extra one hundred pages. Maybe two hundred. That would also allow the book to have more of a plot than simply "Don looking for someone to crash in his couch and become his wife."

 

But falling back into the positive points: this is a very charismatic book. I was drawn to every single main character,mostly because they were portrayed well. They were not only imperfect,but also likable. Don is a naturally sweet person,Rosie is clever and fun,Gene deserved to be punched a few times but also was pretty fun to get to know. 

 

From what I heard from a few friends,the next book in this series is a bit disappointing. I don't really plan to read it. I want to keep the sweet experience that The Rosie Project gave me. For now,that's enough. 

 

Sentence: The Rosie Project gave me everything I could ask for in the form of an adorable weirdo and an alcoholic bartender. And I loved that!

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review 2016-08-25 20:58
The Con Season Review
The Con Season: A Novel of Survival Horror - Adam Cesare

This is my first experience with Adam Cesare's work. The Con Season has been on my radar since I voted for it on Kindle Scout. I'm a big fan of George C. Cotronis's covers and can spot them at a thousand paces. It is a fact that I will buy anything with his graphic design work on it if for no other reason than I like supporting his work. "Why, yes, Virginia, I do judge books by their covers." Then I found Adam Cesare's YouTube channel and instantly became a fan of the guy. I like his attitude and his knowledge of the horror genre. That alone made me subscribed to him and stalk follow him everywhere I could.

The first thing about the book I will mention is the obvious love of the genre coming off every page like heat waves off desert tarmac. Adam Cesare knows his stuff and is one of the few that can pay homage without blatantly ripping off those who came before him. I dug everything about his killer, but mainly I was impressed that he did something new. Good on you, Adam. In a genre full of impersonators, you manage to stand out with your own designs.

Second, the writing, for the most part, is damn good. The book could've done with another proofread or two, because I found many errors early on. The book gets cleaner the deeper in I went, but toward the front, the typos and missing words came at me at least once every three pages. Around the 60% mark, I stopped noticing them, and trust me, I was looking for them, but only because I'd encountered so many early on. Many people think errors and typos are a product of bad writing, but that's not the case. When I find an author who knows their stuff like Cesare knows his stuff, I tend to believe that multiple errors are a product of editing mishaps. So if you are overly sensitive to typos and the like, you might want to skip this book. That being said, you'd be missing a great story written by a lover of the genre.

Another complaint I have is, early on, around the time I was struggling with finding errors, I also came across what I considered to be filler. There was a lot of inner thought that did nothing for character development and felt like the author was padding to increase word count. I could be wrong, but that's the way it felt to me.

I highlighted several sections of the books because I was impressed by Cesare's writing. The paragraph about why chainsaws cause such a visceral reaction in us was exceptionally written. He managed to put into words something wordless. He caught a rare piece of magic with that paragraph, and I must say, I'm jealous. Damn impressed.

Final note: The ending felt a bit rushed for me what with how padded the beginning felt. He built up such a terrific scenario and then sprinted through the final pages. The epilogue actually made me angry. Could've done without it.

In summation: I will be reading Adam Cesare again.Tribesmen is on my radar, so I'll probably be reading that one next. Likely with Janie C. And, yes, I like the cover.

Final Judgment: Great idea if a little inconsistent on the quality.

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review 2016-08-19 17:18
The Kite Runner Review
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

The problem with tragedy porn like The Kite Runner is that, at some point, it all becomes a little too much. We get it. Amir had/has a fucked up life wherein nothing goes right. The reader holds out hope that something good must be just around the corner because, surely, life cannot get any worse for this dude. Welp, if you think that while reading this book, you'd be dead wrong.

I did find the surprises engaging enough to keep reading, though. I never knew what new horror was right around the corner. Even though I knew that something horrible was always just over the horizon, I didn't know what horrible shit would next befall this man. I was constantly shocked by just how bad life became for him and those around him.

I do feel like some aspects of the story were forced into existence, but those are spoilers, so I'll save them for the Spoiler Discussion at the end. I explain my three-star rating in the Spoiler Discussion, as well.

Thanks to Quarter-Book Day at my local thrift store, I own all of this authors work. But, before I pick up another Hosseini novel, I need to be assured that not everything he does is tragedy porn. If it is, I'll likely put off reading his other work until I'm in the mood to be depressed for a week. I don't mind sad stories, but I need some kind of relief ever hundred pages or so.

In summation: Not much else to say about this debut novel. It was sad and sad and sad and then it was sad. There is one small fleck of light at the end of the tunnel, but it's like finding a grain of diamond dust in a massive pile of elephant poop. You can dig through it if you want, and it might even be worth your time, but you're still gonna come out feeling like shit.

Final Judgment: I need a shower and some weed.

Spoiler Discussion:

The MC getting a split lip just like his dead friend had when he was a kid was a bit silly to me. Coincidences like that in books always seem forced. It took me out of the story. The ass whupping he took was plenty. No need for the forced scar. Up until that point, this felt like a true story, as if it could have been an autobiography, but after that scene, the author lost the real-life feel of the book and the novel felt overly fictional.

When Sohrab tried to kill himself at the end I just kinda rolled my eyes. I wanted the book to be over so badly at that point. I couldn't take yet another fucking tragedy. I think that's what drove my rating down to three stars.

If you'd like to continue the spoiler discussion in the comments below, please use spoiler tags. Thanks for joining me!

(spoiler show)
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review 2016-08-08 22:51
Cook Korean! Review
Cook Korean!: A Comic Book with Recipes - Robin Ha

This was a great idea. All cookbooks should be comic books. Now if only this thing would lay flat so I didn't have to keep propping it open!

I love Korean BBW.

I think you mean BBQ.

Yeah, well, that too. I also love knowing what all the cool kids are talking about when they call each other "bae" nowadays.

Huh? What do you mean?

"Bae" is Korean for Asian pear.

The more you know.

I dig Kimchi and these kimchi recipes are Asian pears. That didn't sound right. Are we sure kids these days aren't just dumb?

No. Not sure. I've heard "bae" is Dutch for poop, too, so that's a thing.

So my choices are Asian pear or poop?

Yeah.

Fuck.

Yeah.

Okay, back to the review.

Short ribs are good, son! And this book right here? This book RYCHEER! This book'll tell you how to cook some them there short ribs, Cuz. Talking lip-smacking tallywhacker-tempting good short ribs. Don't have all the fancy ingredients? Don't worry. Robin Ha says some motherfuckers just use Coca-Cola for their marinade because who has time for soy sauce and ginger and other expensive shit. Just drain a 20 ounce Coke into a plastic bag, drop in your short ribs, and hang out with your Dutch poop or your Asian pears for like thirty minutes, then cook them bitches (the short ribs, not your "baes", because this is cooking not cannibalism) and you got yourselves some goddamn motherfucking Korean BBQ, you sexy fucker!

But wait, ladies, there's more!

Need a hot beef injection? Well there's a recipe for Spicy Beef Soup in this piece! You only need like thirty-seven goddamn ingredients and four weeks vacation time to make it, but holy shit will it make your side dude have main-dude feelings. Also, this Spicy Beef Soup will make your asshole burn. Just warning you. We're talking nuclear hell hole, got me? We're talking lava butt, son. Kinda shit that'll singe your leg hair.

So whataya do after you set your rectum on fire? You eat Cold Buckwheat Noodles, of course! But first you're gonna need some Yengyeoja... holy fuck, did I spell that right the first time? I fucking did! YEA! Anyway, you're gonna need some of that Yeng shit. It's yellow wasabi paste. It's like regular wasabi but yellower. You're also gonna need a bae. No, like a real bae. One of them Asian pears, because we all know you're gonna die alone. Then some rice wine vinegar and some other shit I can't pronounce and you got yourself some fucking Cold Buckwheat Noodles®.

Finally, Robin Ha gives us some of her very own Korean Fusion recipes like Omelet Fried Rice and Spicy Chicken Tacos because who doesn't love some hot cock!

In summation: Comic books are a unique way to learn how to cook anything. Korean food especially. If you have $20 and don't mind a cookbook that won't stay the fuck open when you're trying to read the recipes, buy the fuck outta this book. Or don't. Until next time, I'll be slurping on some buckwheat noodles dipped in Yengyeoja. Ha! I spelled it right again!

Final Judgment: A hundred different ways to make your rectum burn.

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review 2016-07-29 02:48
Hex Audiobook Review
Hex - Thomas Olde Heuvelt

According to my Audible app, I've listened to 127 audiobooks. You might say, I dig audiobooks. I listen to at least one a week. Which makes me feel that I can say, with the utmost honesty and accuracy, that Hex, written by Thomas Olde Heuvelt and narrated by Jeff Harding, is the worst audiobook I've ever had the displeasure of listening to.

The story isn't half bad. Just the opposite. It's half good. The plot and pacing and horror is really effective once you get past the halfway mark. But that narration... Holy shit on a piss-soaked cracker, Fatman, that narration is horrible.

The book itself starts out by lulling the reader into a false sense of security and joviality. Goofy shit goes down and everyone's having a good time. Then the author steers us into more serious territory and the dread builds. The tension mounts. And then everything explodes in the final chapters. Seriously, the end of this book is nuts. If for no other reason, you should read Hex for the ending.

Which makes Jeff Hardy's shitty narration all the more unforgivable. I don't know who approved the final product, but they need a swift kick in the genitals. What the fuck were they thinking? Some of the characters actually sound like 1950's cartoon villains. Take for instance Grizelda (sorry, not sure on the spelling because I don't have the text version). She sounded like a witch from one of those old Halloween spooky sounds cassettes we used to listen to as kids. You know the kind. The fucking tape was orange with black writing on it. You'd shove it in your dual-deck boom box and press play and sit in the dark to the tune of wind blowing and wolves howling and coffins creaking and witches cackling. 'Member? Yeah, you 'member. That was what Grizelda sounded like in this book. And Grizelda isn't even the fucking witch! The witch's name is Katherine (again, not sure on the spelling).

I dug the theme of the entire book. But telling you why is a spoiler, so I'll see you in the Spoiler Discussion.

In summation: I wish I had read this one instead of listening to it. I probably would have given it four stars. Instead, I'm putting it firmly behind three stars. One day, when the price of the Kindle edition drops below what amounts to a month's rent, I might reread it. But, for now, all I can review is the audiobook. And the audiobook is hot garbage dipped in dirty kitty litter.

Final Judgment: I've heard better produced EVP recordings on Ghost Hunters International.

Spoiler Discussion:

The theme of the witch not being the bad guy but the townsfolk being the villains was well done. Dug the hell out of that. That whole scene where the boys are punished was fucking brutal.

The final few pages were all very Pet Sematary, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

The chaos and gore and all-around epic nature of the ending was mind-blowing. I would love to see all that committed to film. Give this book to James Wan or some equally talented director, like Darren Lynn Bousman, and let's get this shit on tape. One of the best endings in a horror novel I've come across.

The scene where they hear the dog yowling freaked me out. It's bad enough that the dog died the way it did, but I'm kinda glad it died, if only because we got the scene we got afterward. Righteously scary.

The buildup to Katherine getting the stitches over her eyes cut was so well done. Very impressed with the mounting dread. And the payoff was perfect.

If you want to join in on the Spoiler Discussion, please use spoiler tags. Thanks for joining me!

(spoiler show)
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