I'm throwing in the towel. I can't take this anymore. I wanted something stupid funny for Halloween. Unfortunately, this is taking itself way too seriously to be funny, and I'm losing too many brain cells trying to find something to appreciate.
And the idea that "as long as slavery exists, so will vampires" as if one has anything to do with the other is ludicrous.
And the narrator doesn't even sound like Lincoln! (Otherwise, he does the best he can with what he's given.)