Zach: How come when I order a large pizza for myself for lunch I receive one of “those” looks from the delivery guy? Me: Wait, wait, wait…you work from home? Zach: Yes, but not the point. Let’s focus on the pizza delivery guy and his sassy stares here. Me: Well I imagine you’re answering the door in your pajamas with uncombed hair, so you appear all sad and heartsick…or just sick. Or weird. Or a creeper. Yeah, you know what, you DO look like a creeper. Zach: I would take offense, but you’re probably right. Me: Probably? Zach: That’s the story I’m sticking with. Me: I think the point of view on your story is skewed. Zach: YOU’RE SKEWED. Zach: God. That was awful. Forget I sent that. Me: *screenshot* Zach: You’re evil. I knew there was at least one redeeming quality about you. Me: And what about my smart mouth? Zach: You’re right—one and a half. Me: I’ll take my winnings where I can.