Thirty-something me has no patience for gutless heroines pining after oblivious idiots.

I still love tropes pining and angst, but first give me a character I can stand to watch pine. Give me someone who isn't afraid of living and going after something she wants and give me a real reason why she should pine in silence instead. Don't give me "for four years she was his doormat and loved every second of it because of his kids." 

The rating wavered between one and two stars, but I've read worse. Much worse. 

This is a terrible, racist book. That's where the only remaining shock factor lies.

Recommended reading to no one.

...maybe you'll climb out of it at some point but the smart ones drive off the bridge right at the beginning.

Oh, wow. That turned out more meta than I intended.

Anyhoo. The first chapter is called The Bridge, it's only two pages long and it's the only good chapter in this book of 521 pages. There were a handful of good observations or amusing passages here or there, but nothing resembling a coherent, well written, good story. And I wasted all three weeks of my holiday reading it. So. Boring.

I have an itch to read The Handmaid's Tale at some point, so I won't say I won't be reading Atwood ever again. But it's a close thing.

A fan of Russian roulette? Craving for something more dangerous?

FEAR NOT! I have the drinking game for you!

You need to buy roughly as much alcohol as you'd normally consume in two years. Then double it and add few bottles extra. Looks better, but you should really make two more trips and you'll be set!

Pick a copy of Shadow of the Sun by Laura Kreitzer. Audiobook not necessary but Tavia Gilbert's voice will help you along in those short moments between sips.

Start drinking.

Listen to the first chapter and choose your phrases. As tempting as it might be, I suggest avoiding words "my mind" and "my brain" for your health. You don't want to pass out during chapter two, do you? Also smirking and all instances where Gabriella (B-Ella for those closest to her) is a horrible person or tells a 'cute' factoid of herself should be reserved for advanced players only.

Listen to chapter three and call for the ambulance.

Drink. Listen and drink.

Listen to chapter five and pass out.

Regain consciousness, take some hair of the dog and start counting ways this story is really nothing more than a Twilight fanfiction with Angels and worse writing.

Put Tavia Gilbert's magical voice on double speed and try to hold your fatty breakfast inside.

Keep listening. Your morning migraine will pale in comparison.

Drink some more.

I assume by this point you're somewhere around chapter ten. Stop and save yourself. I didn't and I'm telling you what comes after isn't worth your time, health or sanity.

The first person voice narrator is a horrible person. In chapter one.

But the audiobook narrator (Tavia Gilbert) is magic. So I'll suffer for my Audible sale mistakes.