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review 2016-05-12 21:52
AH-MAH-Zing!
Shadow of the Sun - Laura Kreitzer

A fan of Russian roulette? Craving for something more dangerous?

 

FEAR NOT! I have the drinking game for you!

 

You need to buy roughly as much alcohol as you'd normally consume in two years. Then double it and add few bottles extra. Looks better, but you should really make two more trips and you'll be set!

 

Pick a copy of Shadow of the Sun by Laura Kreitzer. Audiobook not necessary but Tavia Gilbert's voice will help you along in those short moments between sips.

 

Start drinking.

 

Listen to the first chapter and choose your phrases. As tempting as it might be, I suggest avoiding words "my mind" and "my brain" for your health. You don't want to pass out during chapter two, do you? Also smirking and all instances where Gabriella (B-Ella for those closest to her) is a horrible person or tells a 'cute' factoid of herself should be reserved for advanced players only.

 

Listen to chapter three and call for the ambulance.

 

Drink. Listen and drink.

 

Listen to chapter five and pass out.

 

Regain consciousness, take some hair of the dog and start counting ways this story is really nothing more than a Twilight fanfiction with Angels and worse writing.

 

Put Tavia Gilbert's magical voice on double speed and try to hold your fatty breakfast inside.

 

Keep listening. Your morning migraine will pale in comparison.

 

Drink some more.

 

I assume by this point you're somewhere around chapter ten. Stop and save yourself. I didn't and I'm telling you what comes after isn't worth your time, health or sanity.

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review 2014-10-08 17:21
Robert Jordan continues to be the worst
Lord of Chaos - Robert Jordan

...and I keep reading, er, listening. I'd probably have shredded the paperbook already. As it is, I'll suffer through these as I move about. Yes, my sanity is in question.

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