For all you Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy fans -- win and wear the ultimate answer

Why 42?

Forty-two is the answer to life, the universe and everything, in Douglas Adams’s masterpiece, a surreal and goofy romp through the universe.

Enter now!

Why giveaway this?

Because I think that fans of HHGTTG will also enjoy my new book, Alpha Max: An Existential Romp through an Absurd Multiverse. Now, I’m not saying Alpha Max is as funny HHGTTG, because that’s a pretty high bar.

However, I have some earlier reviewers compare this work to that of Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett and also Kurt Vonnegut. The winner will also receive a signed, first edition copy of my new book!

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***Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you NetGalley and Thomas & Mercer!***

In the interest of full disclosure, I will tell you that I did not read the entire book. I read to 150 pages and I just couldn’t stomach it anymore. Reading it was painful and I just couldn’t do it. And since I am about 98% sure I know how it’s going to end, there really wasn’t much to keep me reading any further.

This book is just not good. It’s not a good character story nor is it a good police procedural. I am not an expert in the law or police procedure, by any means, however I have read enough books and watched enough Law & Order that I know how these types of books should work. I have a basic understanding of the law and how it works and this was not even close to being accurate. This case would get thrown into the nearest paper shredder and the detectives would be berated in open court to handle a case this way.

Also, consider this your ***SPOILER WARNING***

Three prime examples that the author has zero idea how the police actually function:

- The detectives go to the office of a suspect and state that they need to speak with said suspect, the fill-in receptionist advises that the suspect is not there but her office is that way so feel free to wait. Apparently this is a good enough cause for the detectives to search the suspect’s office. They do not have a warrant. They have not obtained permission unless you count the receptionist and yet they snoop through everything and decide to obtain a warrant for the suspect’s home once they find something. That is called an unlawful search and any evidence obtained in said search is automatically inadmissible in court, except in this book.

• - They go search the suspect’s home and find her boyfriend there, they do not escort the boyfriend outside or to a specific place while they conduct the search. He just follows them around from room to room, offering an opinion on what they find and being asked leading questions about their investigation. Apparently in this book a search warrant also means that you get to search anything in the home and seize anything you feel like. That isn’t how search warrants work. Typically search warrants indicate exactly what sort of evidence you believe that you will find or that you believe is relevant to the investigation. For example, a murder weapon, belongings of the victim, etc. You don’t just get to snoop and seize things on a whim because they might pertain to your investigation. Also, one of the uniform police officers is asked to crack open a safe. Which he does, in just a few minutes. Is safe cracking a typical skill for a beat cop?
• - When they find the suspect they are unconscious from blood loss. The suspect is taken to the hospital for treatment after being placed under arrest. The detectives then literally have a conversation of “Do you think we have to Mirandize her again? I don’t think it counts if they’re unconscious.” No, it doesn’t count. But apparently this is also a book that a suspect is taken into custody after suffering a gunshot wound that has left them unconscious from blood loss and they are expected in court the next day to be arraigned.

Also, on to another rant. This felt like a social justice rant. Every other page you have the African American detective making some observation about how awful things are for minorities in New York City and how wonderful white people have things. For example, “That’s assuming that the DA will arraign a wealthy white woman for possession of an illegal firearm, which isn’t likely.” Spare me. In case Ms. Davidson hadn’t noticed, she is white. And lecturing the reader about racial injustice. Personally, I am so white that I practically glow in the dark so I understand that I have very little perception of what minorities in this country experience on a day to day basis. I found it condescending for a white woman to be lecturing about the plight of another race. A plight that she does not understand.

Finally, this story is predictable. I knew how this was going to go by page fifty. All it took was one line (not a direct quote, I can’t be bothered to find it again), “If I had to pinpoint my blackmailer I would have said Lori in a second, but Lori had been dead for eighteen months.” Well there you have it folks. Two possibilities. Either Lori is not really dead and exacting revenge for some past slight. Or Lori is actually dead and someone close to her is exacting revenge for some past slight. I really don’t need to slog through 300 more painfully bad pages to find out that the ending is exactly what I think it is.

Nazleen is the ruler of the Hamloorian people. Like all Lieges, she is Cerecian: a descendant of Stakezti, a mysterious golden-haired child who had special powers (telepathy, visions of the future, the ability to wield green fire). It was Cerecians who wielded their green fire against the violent Warriors and brought peace to this land. Since then, a female Cerecian Liege has always ruled Hamloor, reluctantly choosing a mate from among the Warriors when it comes time for her to conceive an heir.

Nazleen knows that she will need to choose a mate soon. Her choice will almost certainly be Miklav, the Warrior Chief. He's a Warrior, so she'll never be able to fully trust him, but he seems to be a good man, and he's made some changes to Warrior society that she finds surprising, intriguing, and a little unsettling. However, first she must deal with news that may shift the balance of power more in Miklav's favor: there have been several sightings of aliens, some of whom might be male Cerecians. There have only ever been female Cerecians, and it's uncertain whether these possible male Cerecians are peaceful or as prone to violence as the Warriors.

Love Spell futuristic romances (which weren't necessarily "futuristic") used to be my catnip. If I found one at the library or on a used bookstore shopping trip, I wanted to read it. I figure I've probably owned this particular book for at least 15 or 20 years. I never seemed to be in the mood to read it, but I couldn't bring myself to offload it either. Love Spell nostalgia, I guess.

Sadly, this didn't turn out to be a hidden gem. I don't think I'd have liked it even if I had read it back during the height of my "futuristic romance" reading. The beginning was weighed down by overly complicated and confusing world-building. The story had potential but was generally boring. Even worse, this wasn't a romance. I don't care what the cover art and branding make it look like, it's not a romance.

It's possible to see the bones for a couple potentially decent romance novels in this book. In one, Nazleen and Miklav, two rulers who see each other as political adversaries, work together to investigate a potential threat towards their people and gradually begin to care for each other. In the other, Nazleen grew up believing that Cerecians were only ever female, while Zaktar believed that Cerecians were only ever male. After a disastrous meeting, they tried to patch things up between them for the good of their people, but also because they found themselves drawn to each other.

Two thirds of Greenfire was the first romance. This confused me, because the back of the book indicated that Nazleen and Zaktar were the book's heroine and hero. It was possible that this was somehow a stealth poly romance, but the Cerecian Sisterhood's visions of

didn't seem like a good sign.

I initially figured that Zaktar would show up early on,

As pages and pages went by with little more than a single instance of telepathic contact between Nazleen and Zaktar that Nazleen thought might have been a hallucination, I became more unsure of the route this story was going to take. I also found myself thinking that this read far more like SFF with romantic aspects than an actual SFF romance. Although Nazleen and Miklav had sex, Nazleen never truly trusted Miklav and made it clear that he didn't have her heart. Miklav actually seemed more emotionally involved with Nazleen than Nazleen was with him, despite the fact that he had a long-term lover with whom he'd had a child (Hamloorians, and Warriors in particular, rarely had lifelong monogamous relationships).

I disliked Miklav's lust for political power and his controlling behavior. However, at least he had a significant on-page presence and had spent a good deal of time with Nazleen. The same couldn't be said about Zaktar. And yet. (Major spoilers from this point on. MAJOR.)

That ending, on top of everything else, was a slap in the face. On the plus side, now I get to offload this book and free up a little shelf space.

(Original review posted on A Library Girl's Familiar Diversions.)