I have a couple different issues with this book, but I'm going to start with the one that I find most problematic.  The people who received these postcards?   Their full names and addresses are on the back, clearly written out, so anyone who doesn't like them and knows them only online can stalk them.    It's just kinda creepy, especially given the recent spats of stalker-ish behavior by some authors lately, and something I found more and more disturbing as I read this book.   I'm guessing since it's published by one of the big six, they were legally covered. 

 

It didn't feel right to me, though.   Even if they'd had permission, I'd like to think that they'd consider the fact that these people might want privacy in the future and do the decent thing and just cover up the names.   The fact is that blanking them out, or even changing them, wouldn't have really impacted the book. 

 

The second issue I have is that this book has a clever concept and what I felt was poor execution.   Basically, Mr. Bingo says that one night, he got drunk and came up with this idea: for ten pounds,  he'd send a a vintage postcard with a nasty message and an original picture on the back.   He closed down this service after six days due to the amount of requests he got.   Yes, it was a clever idea and a very popular one.   However, most of these aren't all that clever.   Some are just plain bizarre.   If it hadn't been such a quick read, I would have given up earlier.   I was morbidly fascinated by how often Mr. Bingo found calling someone a cunt, a cock sucker, or simply telling them they were fat or ugly was funny.   He seems to truly believe this is the height of hilarity, as he claims these are his favorite hundred postcards.   And while a few made me chuckle, a few were, indeed, clever, I was shocked at how many were just a 'fuck you' with a drawing or calling someone a cunt in a different way.   (Cunt was one of his favored insults.)

 

Pass on further books from this author.   If it hadn't been such a quick read, I wouldn't have bothered finishing.   If I hadn't been determined to see if the quality picked up, I wouldn't have finished. 

I am done! Done, done, done with this novel. I am hugely disappointed with Hoover.

THIS IS NOT OK!

 

I hate when authors use other people's illness to build up their main character. It's wrong on so many levels, it's completely disrespectful and insulting. Hoover inadvertently says it's ok to lie to people if they are sick, it's ok to treat them differently because of it. It's ok to set them apart. That has another name, too..

 

Let's talk about Maggie, Ridge's sweet girlfriend who is sick with a terminal illness. Came to the point where she got so sick and had to be taken in to hospital, where Sydney finds out about her. I FLIPPED OUT!

 

So this is the reason why Ridge is so hell bent on staying with Maggie, she's sick. And we are supposed to say what? Awww Ridge you're a guy and a half! Living with the woman you are falling in love with and lusting over, but not being honest to the sick girl because of your guilt trip. Well here's a news flash: Maggie is a person, Maggie is not pathetic because she's sick, Maggie deserves the same consideration you give to the other cheating bastards in this story. She is used as a backdrop to highlight Ridge's maturity, her illness a cliché tearjerker that is supposed to enhance the angst in this novel. Low blow.

 

Ridge is placed up on a pedestal because of his choice of not leaving a sick girlfriend behind, no matter how he truly feels about her, because he RESPECTS Maggie.

 

If he really respected Maggie, and her illness he would have been honest, and given her the benefit of a doubt that she can think for herself. What do you think Maggie's choice would be? Would she like to be in a relationship with a dishonest cheating asshole, that is only staying in a relationship with her because he feels guilty, and he believes that's what's expected of him? Or do you think that she deserves enough RESPECT to make her own choices in her life, and to maybe find somebody that's not lying to her face because of imagined obligations? Here's a quote:

 

She sighs and turns her head, looking straight up to the ceiling. “I’m fine. It was just an insulin issue.” She turns back to face me. “You can’t baby me every time this happens, Ridge.”

My jaw clenches at “baby me.” “I’m not babying you, Maggie. I’m loving you. I’m taking care of you. There’s a difference.” - oh really? What about all the touching, all the kissing, all the messaging with Sydney? All the lyric writing, and singing?

Loving you? Taking care of you? UP YOURS RIDGE!

 

Just how do you think that poor Maggie would feel if she knew the truth? Would it make her happy to know her boyfriend thinks she's so pathetic because she's sick, she doesn't deserve to be treated equally? That all of his lies, and taking care of her comes out of his inability to deal with HIMSELF in this situation, to know he's not moving on with his life because he couldn't live with himself if he did. And finally after knowing all that, realizing that no matter what he says, this is not even remotely about her, it's all about him. Wow what a man, what a keeper, what a fucking hero.

 

Ridge knew he was attracted to Sydney when he moved her in. If he wanted to do the right thing, he would have helped her find a place to stay. Sydney knew she had the hots for Ridge, and after she found out he had a girlfriend, she should have done the respectable thing and pissed off. Ridge and Sydney are Tori and Hunter. Double standards? Hell yes, and I HATE DOUBLE STANDARDS! And the rest? What kind of message is Hoover trying to send? 

They knew what they were doing. Ridge is a cheating, pitiful asshole, and Sydney a self-absorbed hypocrite. I had enough of this shit.

THIS BOOK WAS HILARIOUS!!!

 

I was torn between a 1 star review, and a 5 star review. If this book was meant to be as it read, a parody, honestly only the sky would be the limit.

 

But alas it wasn't and therefore, you got served! :D

 

Let's start with Lexi shall we? She is a social care worker, and that seems to be a superpower, because it is enough to portray her amazing selflessness, and allows her to jump to some pretty awesome conclusions in life. Like this:

 

“George, my bipolar neighbor, would never lay a hand on me. The guy loves me! Being a caseworker, the first time we spoke, I picked up on his behavior right away.”

 

Poor George....and what else???

 

“I have told George that I worked with a lot of people who suffered mental illness, and if he felt a panic attack coming on that I would be there for him....” ain't she a saint? Awwww, and so completely clueless about bipolarity for someone who works with mental illness.

 

But hold your horses folks! The show isn't over yet! She gets attacked by a would-be rapist in front of her house, and saved by her stalker. Her caseworker superpowers obviously stretch further to give her superhuman hearing as this occurs: “Eventually, I hear soft pings hit the ground and realize my attacker has lost some teeth."

 

You gotta admit, that's something else right there.

 

Does she call the police? You know - as a social worker, who deals with victims on a daily basis, as well as mental illness of course, she knows how important it is to have someone like that off the streets. Nope. Her savior and stalker says “It's taken care off” and she shrugs.

 

Her stalker is a man by the name of Twitch, colored pretty with an array of gang tatts, and wears a signature black hoodie, whilst engaging in some light afternoon stalking. And yet again, here we see the evidence of the awesome reasoning superpowers of being a caseworker.

 

“I always see him on the street, wearing the same clothes. My caseworker brain automatically assumes he's homeless.” -seems legit.

“I know that everyone is different (you don't say), but what I am sure about Twitch is that he's a sociopath.” - I agree, especially taking in account one of characteristics of sociopathic behavior being unable to empathize with the pain of others. Such as he didn't, when he saved her ass from getting raped and all that jazz.

 

Conclusion...she's real smart and stuff.

 

In the aftermath of her attack she's left to deal with being “Blue, a little like a two dollar ho, and still shaken from last night's attack.” -understandable, I guess. So she cheers herself up by singing Ginuwine's hit track Pony. You know it?

If your horny, Let's do it
Ride it, My Pony
My saddle's waiting
Come and jump on it …. yup trauma does weird shit to people.

Anyhoo – the sociopath homeless stalker keeps breaking into her apartment to pant at her neck like a mastiff while she sleeps, and the inevitable sex scene happens. Now I've heard of tantric sex, but this is impressive on a whole new level, as it helps her deal with herself and the world around her.

 

“..he pushes the tip of his thumb into my back entrance...and I know what this is. This is Twitch asserting his role.” LMFAO ass-erting, oh dear god, couldn't make this shit up even if I tried.

Apparently for reaching the inner equilibrium in one's life, you require nothing but a finger up your ass. Quick, somebody call the monks! They've been doing it wrong all these years!!!

 

Did I mention his pierced cock?

That does things to her like: “...having my G-spot tickled...” - oh,for the love of all things holey. I mean I can relate to that, witch girl doesn't like to have her G-spot tickled? And of course, never being the one to shy away from using her caseworker deduction techniques, Lexi chooses to add to her description of Twitch as being so much more then a homeless sociopath as she  provides us with a deeper insight behind the chosen ornamentation of his phallus.“I think it takes a selfless man to pierce his cock just for the pleasure of women" - Just how deep is that? Ghandi, pack your shit, and get the hell out, we got a new player in town. “He rocks into me, and the connection – the closeness – feels almost intimate.” -strange how having sex would do that, really.

Then there is the very different orgasm: “...he thrusts so hard, so deeply into me, that it feels like I am bouncing on a trampoline.”

Alrighty then. Guess she did get to ride the Pony after all.

 

After the sex that is clearly transcends this plane of existence, we have Lexi struggling to find out just who Twitch really is. Even when he introduces himself as a co-owner of a multimillion plastics factory, she doesn't get it. She's been to his office, and didn't get it. She didn't use her mad caseworker skills to I dunno....google it. She would have us think that he is using his gangsta self, with his gangsta tattoos, to sell Tupperware in some back alley, surrounded by his homies. I know..thug life be hard, y'all.

 

If I listed every single nugget that made me crack up reading this, I would soon run out of internet. Still tho i want to take this opportunity to say thank you to everybody who has taken the time to recommend this unique masterpiece to me. I can't remember the last time i have laughed so hard while reading a book. xD

 

You're probably not going to like the same pieces I do here, just because they cover such a broad range of topics. This does demonstrate nicely why I read Whatever and why I read Scalzi's fiction. I like his voice, his sense of humor, his pragmatism, and his occasional scathing tone. He writes much like the Spouse, I think, whose writing I'm very fond of. Although the much-touted love of Journey is points-off.My favorite bits: why some Christians should be called Leviticans, why every political party affiliation is annoying, on the joys of marriage, on poverty, on the Creationism museum. The ones written on 9/11 and the Iraqi war don't hold up as well. But still, I have to love a guy who blithely acknowledges that while he has some very small measure of celebrity, it is less than his cat Ghlaghghee enjoys.A good book to keep around, because there's something to delight and annoy everyone in here.

"Your Hate Mail Will Be Graded" is a collection of blog entries written by John Scalzi over the years. Some I disagreed strongly with, some were irrelevant, a couple were straight-out boring (although they were mostly the ones that were both irrelevant AND about people/situations I knew absolutely nothing about), but most were well-written and entertaining, and a select few even thought-provoking.I don't know if I'll start reading his blog regularly now, but I'll definitely keep an eye out for him now and again.