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text 2015-08-05 17:59
The Best Songs for the Worst Literary Breakups

 

Breakups can be the pit stains on the t-shirt of life, this we know. But for each heartache and heartbreak, there’s always solace to be found in a song that captures exactly how it feels to be kicked in the emotions. It’s the song that you play on repeat, belt out at karaoke after too many drinks, and feel each individual lyric like it was the truest thing ever said about love. So whether it’s your first (thank you, Usher) or your latest (thank you, Gotye), a cathartic break-up song now and again does wonders for the bruised of heart.

 

So we had to wonder…what are the perfect break-up songs for some of the more iconic romantic tragedies in literature? What should Heathcliff listen to as he weeps into his half-gallon of Breyer’s Heath Bar Ice Cream? (Because really, what other ice cream flavor would Heathcliff buy?)

 

 

Catherine Earnshaw & Heathcliff - “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga

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What can we say, the brooding orphan man knows how to hold a grudge. It takes serious dedication to exact a revenge as thorough as Heathcliff’s. And we think Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance,” with its themes of obsession and the dark side of love, is the perfect anthem to Catherine and Heathcliff’s tumultuous lifelong affair. You can almost hear Heathcliff sing-shouting, “I don’t want to be frieeeeeeeeends!” across the foggy moors.     

Lyric That Nailed It

I want your love and
I want your revenge
I want your love
I don’t wanna be friends

 

 

Jay Gatsby & Daisy Buchanan - “F**k You” by Cee-Lo Green

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Jay really could have used a dose of this song’s perspective when it came to trying to impress Daisy. Rather than spending all that money on parties and all that time staring at green lights, Jay could have just seen Tom and Daisy driving by and thought, “f**k that, old sport.”

 

Lyric That Nailed It

Now I know, that I had to borrow,
Beg and steal and lie and cheat.
Trying to keep ya, trying to please ya.
'Cause being in love with your a** ain't cheap.

 

 

Anna Karenina & Alexei Vronsky - “I Knew You Were Trouble” by Taylor Swift

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Man, Anna Karenina could not get a break in Tolstoy’s (nearly) 350,000-word tome. But what can you expect when falling for someone who is totally flirting with someone else when you meet him? With “Trouble,” Taylor Swift knows a thing or two about falling in love when it’s clearly a bad idea. Plus, the line, “lying on the cold hard ground,” takes on a much more sinister meaning in Anna Karenina’s context.  

 

Lyric That Nailed It

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I’d never been
Now I’m lying on the cold hard ground

 

Eponine Thenardier & Marius Pontmercy - “Dancing on My Own” by Robyn

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I think we can all agree that Robyn’s “Dancing On My Own” is the modern version of quintessential unrequited love ballad, “On My Own,” from the musical Les Miserables. Not only do they share similar titles, but both songs sum up what it feels like to be friend-zoned and overlooked. Girl, we’ve been there, we feel you.

 

Lyric That Nailed It

I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her
I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the girl you’re taking home
I keep dancing on my own

 

 

Lancelot & Guinevere - “9 Crimes” by Damien Rice

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Forbidden love at its most medieval—not only do Lancelot and Guinevere betray their spouses, but in some interpretations of Arthurian legend, they kick off the downfall of Camelot. The heart-wrenching “9 Crimes” is well-suited for this guilt-laden duo. The haunting vocals by Damien Rice and Lisa Hannigan, plus lots of slow piano and cello, makes for….WHY IS IT SUDDENLY RAINING ON MY FACE?

 

Lyric That Nailed It

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It’s the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It’s the wrong time
For somebody new
It’s a small crime
And I’ve got no excuse

 

 

Medea & Jason - “You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morissette

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Nobody does jilted, vengeful wife quite like Euripedes’ Medea. You can feel the fury and pain boil off her as she plots against former husband Jason, complete with cannibalism and poisoned diadems! And seeing as nobody has done a better “bitter ex” song since Alanis' “You Oughta Know,” we think Medea must have been vibing off that acrimonious energy.   

 

Lyric That Nailed It 

'Cause the joke that you laid in the bed
That was me, and I’m not going to fade as soon
As you close your eyes, and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails
Down someone else’s back, I hope you feel it
Well, can you feel it?!

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url 2015-07-09 19:27
Ancillary Justice and "If You Were a Dinosaur, My Love" Mashup

It has robot dinosaurs.

 

It looks pretty spoiler-free to me, although its references would make the most sense to someone who's read Ancillary Justice.

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review 2014-03-03 12:54
[REVIEW] Alien vs Pooh by Giant Hamburger

Alien vs PoohAlien vs Pooh by Giant Hamburger
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Read from March 03 to 04, 2014, read count: 1

Read online here: http://godxiliary.com/alienvspooh/

 


4 Stars for the Chest-busting Cuteness!

Aliens infestation mayhem started when Pooh and his bestie, Piglet took a stroll in their beloved woods. Pooh's inquisitive nature got the better of him when he found pods that looked so much like tasty pots of honey he adores.

Giant Hamburger brought to you a mashup of Winnie the Pooh with the Aliens vs Predator movie. Lots of silliness and disturbing imagery. You'll surely be satisfied with the amount of face hugging, chest bursting fun in this warped but brilliant piece of webcomic.

Hundred Acre Wood aliens infestation! Come find out how Pooh and friends deal with it. Have a tea party in the garden perhaps? Maybe a gun toting Tigger in his exoskeleton suit would save the day?

It's super short so no worries of not having enough time to waste on it. This parody of Aliens vs Predator is certainly warped but it is tons of fun!


Dontcha love this book cover? Quite lovely and tasteful really.


*For more morbid/zany webcomics from Giant Hamburger, visit this link.


View all my reviews

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review 2012-02-24 00:00
MRS DARCY VERSUS THE ALIENS by Jonathan Pinnock
Mrs Darcy Versus the Aliens - Jon Pinnock

Unlike most typical Jane Austen remix/mashups, Mrs Darcy versus the Aliens completely reinterprets the material while staying, in my opinion, true to the Austen characters. Pride and Prejudice is one of my favourite books and I’m not a fan of most attempts to mess with it, but this alternative perspective on Elizabeth’s married life felt fresh and original – and it’s spit-your-coffee-out funny the whole way through. Definitely best for readers who don’t mind a few tentacles with their fiction and won’t be shocked to bits by naughty innuendo. I loved it and could not put it down.

 

(review originally posted at Advent Book Blog on December 18, 2011)

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