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review 2017-11-14 22:08
All At Sea
All at Sea: A Memoir - Decca Aitkenhead

This book is a step-by-step in how not to behave like an adult. This woman did nothing a rational grown up would, and so I had no ability to connect with her. She left her marriage, which is fine, but she left it for a coke dealing crack smoker. And then she wants you to believe that being a dealer is boring and not all that dangerous. They play house, have 2 children and never marry (because marriage is only a piece of paper). And then it turns out he's still married to another woman. When he dies, she seems genuinely shocked she has a nightmare of logistics on her hands. Yes, honey, that's what happens when you don't marry a man but instead just intertwine your lives. His will left everything to his legal wife.

 

Plus, most of this book was just circling the drain of her constant sorrow. With pretty words. Lots and lots of pretty words. Over 200 pages, and there wasn't much substance. Just "my love died and my life is over and my kids are out of control". She had a down-her-nose view of anyone of faith, she wouldn't let the kids call her Mum, and she epitomized the idea you can be educated and still be dumb.

 

I'm proud of myself for finishing this.

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review 2017-09-12 19:33
Alice in Zombieland (would definitely be the first to die)
Alice in Zombieland - Gena Showalter

Sorry this review is late in coming, but this was a buddy read for August and I wanted no spoilers. 

 

So...this book...yeah....NO. JUST NO.

 

Ali is everything a Mary Sue can be. She's pretty in a painful Arian way. She's stupid in short-bus, first to die, trip her and save yourself ways. She has no redeeming qualities. She is also the kind of girl that falls for the abusive asshole just because he's pretty. She makes me sick.

 

Cole is your typical handles-everything-with-his-fists guy. He's gorgeous, of course. But you cannot pretty up this guy's insides. He's just nasty. He gets his way at school by glaring, rage and fear. Him and his posse don't even seem to know what a dress code is, wearing chains and sleeves of tattoos. And ankle monitors. Wtf? He says terrible things to people, he's bossy, and he's grabby if you attempt to walk away. He will also stick you in his car and drive you around but not tell you where you are going. Yes, folks, he's kidnappy. 

 

Now, the "zombies" in this book are the weirdest imagining of them I have ever come across. Soul eating ghost things that can only be seen by special snowflakes. Of course Ali is one. And of course she ends up being like and Alpha zombie hunter with uber super powers the likes of which have never been seen. 

 

Yet I swear she never sleeps. She should be dead. It's just not humanly possible to go that long without sleep, folks.

 

And with everyone in her life dying, what does Ali learn? To "live life", or in Ali speak, fuck her boyfriend, the abusive, two-faced, half-the-time-I-hate-you Cole. Her friend says she has kidney failure and the ONLY thing Ali learns is "I need to get busy with Cole because we may not have much time". Man, her priorities. Totally ignoring the fact zombies are coming out of the woodwork every night to eat her and half her loved ones are now buried. She needs to bang. God, she was sickening in her shallow one-dimensionalness. Like, Bella Swan shallow. 

 

The plot was lacking and stupid. The only character I liked was her terminally ill best friend. There was a guy named Frostie. Yes, that was his name. Did we ever learn his real name? No. Because that's just how stupid and juvenile this whole adventure down the rabbit hole was. In no way was this a Wonderland tale. It was a poorly written, cliche teen drama that makes The Vampire Diaries look deep. 

 

Ugh. I cannot believe I bought the trilogy.

 

 

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review 2017-08-04 14:33
Alice in Zombieland
Alice in Zombieland - Gena Showalter

...is stupid.

 

Will review later. She made my head hurt.

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review 2017-05-09 22:09
Piper Perish
Piper Perish - Kayla Cagan

I checked this out of the library because the cover was so pretty. And it's about teen artists. But the main character is so damn dense I cannot stand her. No, honey, you didn't make your boyfriend gay by looking boyish. No, sweetie, he won't like girls if you have bigger boobs. It doesn't work that way. So I am not going to waste any more time on this. If at 100 pages I still cannot stand the story, then I'm out. I have many more books to read. 

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review 2017-04-22 03:32
Goddess of Love (and vanity....and no modesty)
Goddess of Love - P.C. Cast

Okay, this series is my guilty pleasure but this one fell so flat I wanted to barf.

 

The main character is called Pea. Seriously. She's a grown woman of 30, and she is called Pea. She has curly hair and doesn't have enough brains to know not to brush her hair. That's curly hair 101. She brushes it constantly and wonders why it's a frizzy nest. She also thought she could learn style and confidence from a book. 

 

Venus is supposed to help her, but all she seems to know about is shallow fixes. Shoes, clothes, hair. There was no depth to this "Goddess". She is also prone to asking strangers if they pleasure themselves frequently. 

 

This was a teen movie (girl doesn't know how beautiful she is) with a lot of dicks thrown in. I'm so disappointed. The only character I liked was Vulcan....until he spied on Pea pleasuring herself and decided to get off himself. It was all way too creepy.

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