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review 2017-09-12 19:33
Alice in Zombieland (would definitely be the first to die)
Alice in Zombieland - Gena Showalter

Sorry this review is late in coming, but this was a buddy read for August and I wanted no spoilers. 

 

So...this book...yeah....NO. JUST NO.

 

Ali is everything a Mary Sue can be. She's pretty in a painful Arian way. She's stupid in short-bus, first to die, trip her and save yourself ways. She has no redeeming qualities. She is also the kind of girl that falls for the abusive asshole just because he's pretty. She makes me sick.

 

Cole is your typical handles-everything-with-his-fists guy. He's gorgeous, of course. But you cannot pretty up this guy's insides. He's just nasty. He gets his way at school by glaring, rage and fear. Him and his posse don't even seem to know what a dress code is, wearing chains and sleeves of tattoos. And ankle monitors. Wtf? He says terrible things to people, he's bossy, and he's grabby if you attempt to walk away. He will also stick you in his car and drive you around but not tell you where you are going. Yes, folks, he's kidnappy. 

 

Now, the "zombies" in this book are the weirdest imagining of them I have ever come across. Soul eating ghost things that can only be seen by special snowflakes. Of course Ali is one. And of course she ends up being like and Alpha zombie hunter with uber super powers the likes of which have never been seen. 

 

Yet I swear she never sleeps. She should be dead. It's just not humanly possible to go that long without sleep, folks.

 

And with everyone in her life dying, what does Ali learn? To "live life", or in Ali speak, fuck her boyfriend, the abusive, two-faced, half-the-time-I-hate-you Cole. Her friend says she has kidney failure and the ONLY thing Ali learns is "I need to get busy with Cole because we may not have much time". Man, her priorities. Totally ignoring the fact zombies are coming out of the woodwork every night to eat her and half her loved ones are now buried. She needs to bang. God, she was sickening in her shallow one-dimensionalness. Like, Bella Swan shallow. 

 

The plot was lacking and stupid. The only character I liked was her terminally ill best friend. There was a guy named Frostie. Yes, that was his name. Did we ever learn his real name? No. Because that's just how stupid and juvenile this whole adventure down the rabbit hole was. In no way was this a Wonderland tale. It was a poorly written, cliche teen drama that makes The Vampire Diaries look deep. 

 

Ugh. I cannot believe I bought the trilogy.

 

 

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review 2017-08-04 14:33
Alice in Zombieland
Alice in Zombieland - Gena Showalter

...is stupid.

 

Will review later. She made my head hurt.

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review 2017-05-09 22:09
Piper Perish
Piper Perish - Kayla Cagan

I checked this out of the library because the cover was so pretty. And it's about teen artists. But the main character is so damn dense I cannot stand her. No, honey, you didn't make your boyfriend gay by looking boyish. No, sweetie, he won't like girls if you have bigger boobs. It doesn't work that way. So I am not going to waste any more time on this. If at 100 pages I still cannot stand the story, then I'm out. I have many more books to read. 

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review 2017-04-22 03:32
Goddess of Love (and vanity....and no modesty)
Goddess of Love - P.C. Cast

Okay, this series is my guilty pleasure but this one fell so flat I wanted to barf.

 

The main character is called Pea. Seriously. She's a grown woman of 30, and she is called Pea. She has curly hair and doesn't have enough brains to know not to brush her hair. That's curly hair 101. She brushes it constantly and wonders why it's a frizzy nest. She also thought she could learn style and confidence from a book. 

 

Venus is supposed to help her, but all she seems to know about is shallow fixes. Shoes, clothes, hair. There was no depth to this "Goddess". She is also prone to asking strangers if they pleasure themselves frequently. 

 

This was a teen movie (girl doesn't know how beautiful she is) with a lot of dicks thrown in. I'm so disappointed. The only character I liked was Vulcan....until he spied on Pea pleasuring herself and decided to get off himself. It was all way too creepy.

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review 2017-04-18 21:57
Keep Holding On
Keep Holding On - Susane Colasanti

How did I end up reading two books on teen suicide back to back? The inner flap of this book was misleading. The romance angle wasn't nearly as big a plot point as it makes you think. No, instead you are given a short, very unoriginal story full of flat, typical cliche characters. Nothing about this book was unique. Rich kids bullying the poor kid, and the poor kid is pretty but doesn't realize it. Her mother is verbally abusive, neglects her and starves her. And the level of bullying at this high school is beyond anything I have ever seen. It was more like middle school tactics: tearing up notebooks in front of teachers and the teachers just let it happen? What? Breaking into lockers and destroying everything inside and nobody witnesses this time-consuming process? Throwing mashed potatoes at a girl and getting it in her hair in the middle of a crowded cafeteria? We had teachers everywhere in my high school lunch room. Someone would have been suspended. This is the most ridiculous high school I have ever read about. Does no teacher pay attention? Lord, these kids skipped class more than I have ever seen. And nobody batted an eye.

 

Plus the mother. Now, I wrote about an abusive mother in The Dragon God's Son because I grew up with one. But this mother was something else. She starved, verbal abused and pretty much hated her daughter. But then a social worker says her daughter might be suicidal and suddenly she cares. That isn't how it works. That women would have kept on hating her child if she hadn't been caught. It was unrealistic. 

 

The whole book was unrealistic. It was campy, cheesy, cliche, and plain dull. It sort of made it seem like your horrible bullied life will all be fine if you find a sexy boy to love you. Fuck that. Fuck you, book.

 

 

P.s. rape culture. Again, fuck you. There was no repercussion for rape. It was just shrugged off. That is not okay. I will never recommend this trash.

 

 

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