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Search tags: guilty-pleasures
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review 2018-08-07 21:50
Purr M for Muuuuuuuurder
Purr M for Murder: A Cat Rescue Mystery - T.C. Lotempio

Well, my dad means well when he sends me stuff. And usually he gets me. He sent me a Golden Girls collectors magazine once, and a cat shirt, and a book about a cat saving Christmas. But this book is just...wow. 

 

I don't read mysteries, for one. And I really don't do cozy mysteries because I find them campy and easy to figure out. But the 52 pages I read of this was like a bad Lifetime movie. Or maybe Hallmark. 

 

I mean, we start out with a conflict with the cat rescue and Baddy McBadguy.

 

 

Rich white Southern man in a 3-piece suit, Italian loafers, and a pit of money for all I know. Beak of a nose, beady eyes, weaselly fellow. Hates do-gooders and only worries about money. Wants to shut down the rescue. It was so straight out of a cookie-cutter Disney Channel movie I couldn't believe it. 

 

The McCall sisters are more of the same stereotypes. One is a jilted former New York exec. The other is the hometown bomb shell who stayed behind to run the family businesses. 

 

All we needed was a motorcycle riding Michael Shanks to show up and we would have a made-for-TV movie there, but I digress. 

 

 

Mmmm.

 

Wait, what? Oh, the book.

 

Anyway, the writing was stilted and stiff. The author didn't have a grasp of modern technology, and the dialogue was forced. The McCall sisters made immature decisions for grown business women, and that's what made me hang it up. When a book places characters in unrealistic positions and has the characters do unbelievable things just to move the story in a certain direction, it shows poor writing. People act a certain way and have certain natural reactions to things, and I am finding more and more that authors do not get that. And I am an author. Like this story: these ladies go to confront  Baddy at his business, they can't find him, it's way early in the morning and dark in the building. Normal people would effing leave. Not these brilliant ladies. They wander inside, using their cellphone as a flashlight, and proceed to just snoop. I closed the book when they had found the office, turned on the lights, saw nobody was there and decided to OPEN A LN ARMOIRE FOR NO REASON. They were there to see a person, not spy. There was no reason to spy, yet the author thought it was a great way to make the women end up caught in the murder web of the book. But do grown women really act this way? I certainly don't. 

 

Two stars, but subtract half a star for the cellphone flashlight stupidity.

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review 2018-06-08 23:43
AVP: Prey
Prey - Steve Perry,Stephani Perry

This was a surprising gem. When you read these movie tie-in's, they can be hit or miss. And I have read some really bad ones, especially in the Aliens fandom. But wow, this was fun. I definitely see where they took some of their inspiration for the first AVP movie. The strong female lead, the warrior predator, the queen battle, the Blooding. As much as I enjoyed the movie, this book would have made for a much better story. 

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review 2018-04-13 22:47
Awful Darth Vader NNOOOOOOO!!!!
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers #25 - Kyle Higgins,Daniele "Kota" di Nicuolo,Matt Herms

 

 

 

A Power Ranger comic is NEVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU CRY!!!! Why?!?!

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review 2018-04-11 17:33
Secret Vampire (is not so secret)
Secret Vampire (Night World, #1) - L.J. Smith

This isn't so much a review of the book as it is of L.J. Smith. I first read The Vampire Diaries back in 2010, and the first 2 books weren't half bad. But then they just nose dive into cliche and terrible. And that seems to be what L.J is famous for, as far as I can tell. All her writings are juvenile, anticlimactic and pretty full of teen tropes. In this book, I don't think there was a single brain cell to be shared among the three main characters. And then we get a big bad about 30 pages from the end for no reason that doesn't even do anything. Literally does nothing. 

 

Same goes for when I picked back up on The Vampire Diaries when Smith started writing them a decade after they ended. She did nothing to fix the time gap, gave them cell phones with no explanation and went off on some strange angels/demons/kitsune plotline. I do not get why people are so fascinated with her. I read 5 of The Vampire Diaries  before I thought my eyes would bleed. This book wasn't nearly as bad, but it was just bland. Boring. The teens were so....white bread and mayo. It had nothing of spice and substance. I feel like people read her and enjoy her works because they just don't know any better, sort of like Cassandra Clare.

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review 2018-04-04 22:10
Envy
Envy - Anna Godbersen

Oh ffs. DNF at 230 pages.

 

I. Am. Done.

 

I loved the first 2 books in this series but this one makes my eyes want to bleed. Henry is like a mindless ping pong ball that only thinks with his little ping pong dick. Penelope is so evil it is hard to believe she is a real character. Carolina's selfishness knows no bounds. She loved Will enough to lose her job and plan to run away, but when she finds out he's dead, oh well. "I'm rich now. Fuck you." No, fuck you, Lina, you stuck up maid who seems to have forgotten you are living a lie. My God, I only read these for Elizabeth and Will. And Will died which crushed my soul. WHY DO THE GOOD ONES GET KILLED OFF?! So now this book series is just Penelope and Diana playing tennis with Henry while Elizabeth doesn't know she's pregnant with Will's baby and Lina is just a sneeze away from total, justified social ruin. Fml. I'm going to read something that doesn't make me want to stab myself in the ear with a pencil.

 

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