Disclosure: I obtained the Kindle edition of this book when it was offered free on Amazon. I do not know the author nor have I had any communication with her regarding this book or any other matter. I am an author of historical romance, contemporary gothic romance, and assorted non-fiction.
This is, sadly, one of those books that proves the Josh Olson Protocol. I read the opening prophecy -- with its confusing punctuation -- and got the immediate sense that here was writing that didn't know what it was supposed to be doing. Prophecy is one thing. Mystical is another. Gibberish is a third. You can guess which category the opening fell into.
Prophecy is supposed to . . . prophesy, in some sort of "when, then" sequence. "When the Moon is in the Seventh House and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars." The quatrains of Nostradamus are less precise and thus open to wider interpretation. For example:
Near, far the failure of the two great luminaries
Which will occur between April and March.
Oh, what a loss! but two great good-natured ones
By land and sea will relieve all parts.
Though imprecise, the French seer at least makes some sense. Two great "luminaries" -- perhaps powers? -- will fail in the springtime (or perhaps any time, if we take the calendar from one April to the next March) and great loss. Of life? of fortune? of power? Oh, well, we don't know. But regardless how great the loss, two great entities of good nature will take care of everything.
Even though we don't know exactly what he means or what the prophecy specifically foretells, we understand the meaning of the words, the phrases, the concepts.
Author Stewart's prophecy is far less clear even than Nostradamus.
“In their sixteenth year, the twins sun and moon
shall be separated by betrayal but shall
be found in the light. Only when the night
is restored will the evil be destroyed.
United they will return the night but it
must be done with the power that is sun
and moon or chaos will overpower all.”
Stewart, P. D.. Children of the Sun and Moon (World of Melarandra Book 1) . Unknown. Kindle Edition.
It's just the opening, however, and this sort of thing can be kind of glossed over with the hope that it will make more sense as one reads further into the story.
Sadly, the first paragraph of the book was every bit as badly written as the opening prophecy, and possibly even worse.
The first sentence is third person present tense.
The second sentence is third person past tense.
The third sentence is second person past tense.
On top of that, the second sentence doesn't make any sense because the syntax is totally fucked up. Oh, I know what the author is trying to say, but that's not what she said.
Three sentences and I'm quite ready to give up.
I pushed through a grand total of two and a half paragraphs, or two full Kindle pages and that was my limit. All telling, no showing. Nothing happens. I don't know what some of the invented words mean. I dislike mixed invented names with common Earthling names. ("Olrond" and "King Jeremy.")
If I were an acquiring editor, I wouldn't have got past the opening prophecy. If I were a writing instructor, the red line of "I gave up here; you failed" would be after the third sentence. I would not have finished the first paragraph.
I could go on, but I'm not getting paid to edit this piece of crap. No stars.
Postscript: When I went back to my K4PC app to read something else, I accidentally paged forward three or four pages further into this book. Now I can add bad formatting to the review.
The text begins with block paragraphs -- no indent, double space between -- then shifts to no double space (no paragraph marking at all), then some sort of random double spacing.
This goes right back to Josh Olson's crucial statement:
It rarely takes more than a page to recognize that you’re in the presence of someone who can write, but it only takes a sentence to know you’re dealing with someone who can’t.
(By the way, here’s a simple way to find out if you’re a writer. If you disagree with that statement, you’re not a writer. Because, you see, writers are also readers.)
If a writer doesn't know what a real book -- real, but not necessarily paper, so don't get me wrong on this -- looks like, they won't produce a real book. The Children of Sun and Moon doesn't read like a real book and it doesn't even look like a real book.