Stockholm syndrome: noun
'feelings of trust or affection felt in many cases of kidnapping or hostage-taking by a victim towards a captor.'


I will present you all with a few quotes from the book and then I will try to give my hopefully short opinion because my brain is already bleeding enough.


"He'd opened his mouth before acknowledging that he didn't want to talk to her. She was female and he male. Nothing else mattered."

"He'd force her down, envelope her, show her who her master was."

"She was his to punish or not, depending on his mood, and at this moment the only thing he wanted was for her to understand he was in charge."

""You will do what I command," he said. "What happens between us is for my pleasure, not yours. And if you can’t comprehend that—" He crouched so he could more easily strike her defenseless buttocks. "I’ll punish you until you do.""

"Besides, she was a piece of merchandise, gift wrapped for him."

"He only wanted a resting place for his cock. A willing one, his human half insisted. It doesn't matter, Puma returned."

"He’d take advantage of that, bring her down to his level. Going by instinct, he struck her ass as hard as he could do given the awkward angle. She shuddered and struggled to get free."

"The possibility stopped him from massaging her surely sore ass. No way would he allow her to think she was in control. He was! Even though he wasn’t sure what had prompted his anger, he started punishing her again and again. His breathing quickened and deepened with the renewed blows. This was good, perfect, a helpless creature delivered to him."

""You brought this on yourself," he said. "Maybe it’s what you want." The first blow to her too-accessible ass forced a curse from her lips. One thing she’d learned from previous spankings—the more she resisted, the longer the punishment lasted. Teeth clenched and eyes tightly closes, she silently counted as he struck her. Five swats were manageable, but ten had her wincing with every blow. By the time he reached fifteen, her head roared and her ass was on fire. This was their relationship, not all of it and thankfully not all the time, but at the core he disciplined and she endured."


My opinion:

Characters.

There is not much to say about them really. They are one sided as it gets.
Female lead Kai is a psychic that can talk to animals and that is why she is at some archeological find (there is a very loose connection there, just go with it) and there she wanders around and happens to encounter a puma that is half man half puma, imagine the coincidence. She gets subdued, forced, tied up, kidnapped and sexually molested but it's fine because after the Stockholm Syndrome kicks in she retroactively decides she actually wanted it all along (forget the crying, kicking, screaming, fearing, trying to run away etc).

Puma is well, half human half beast. Male lead - Hok'ee is his human side and Puma is his, you get it, puma side. Apparently he got turned into one of these because he did not accept his Native American heritage, that is so vaguely explained that I just cannot be bothered with it. Something about him being a man and young and able to reproduce a lot or something and that is why he is punished along with other 4 or 5 and the rest are not. Just go with it, it doesn't matter anyway.


Story.

Hahahaha, what story damn... woman gets into the area where pumas live, one puma stalks this woman then violently ties her with big thick rope first putting in her mouth then behind her to tie her hands behind her back and in the end her legs and kidnaps her tied like that and sexually molests her while she is scared crying fearing him. Then she realises she cannot escape him so she doesn't resist as much and he forces himself on her and then after some time of abusing this woman and punishing her she suddenly has an epiphany! Hallelujah! She actually does want this savage chauvinist rapist after all. She didn't immediately realise but after being hit enough times it got beaten into her. She is mad about this monster now. Everyone rejoice.

In the very last chapter of this overly long book the author is trying to fix all of this crap happening throughout the book by having the monster be gentle to her for the first time ever. It doesn't work because she is already brainwashed, how he now behaves is a moot point because he knows she will never leave. Give me a break.


Unintentionally funny part.

At some point in the story this main male character is talking to another puma and that other one says how he came (ejaculated) by listening to Hok'ee raping the woman and he is currently stroking his co&k when this happens:

"Nodding, Anaba released his co&k and patted Hok'ee's knee. Occasionally, when solitude and the need for sex became too much for them, they pleasured each other. They just didn't talk about this aspect of their relationship."

Because why not. Imagine now those five pumas turning into men and all just having an all male orgy. But let's not talk about it too much.

Also, just to point out, saying when solitude becomes too much and he hasn't been a puma that long, it's somewhere between a couple of months and a year you really start to understand the author's thinking. Yes, men just cannot help it. They cannot service themselves occasionally, no no, a couple of months is too long for just your hand or nothing, when push comes to shove and there are no women to kidnap and rape, just call your best mate and let him handle it. Cause that is what your best friend is for.


All in all.

I have zero respect towards this book. Since this is the only book I have read from this author I won't say the same about the author but I also certainly won't read any of the other works. I am not into self-torture up to that degree.

If you want to read about how NOT to get a woman, how NOT to respond to your kidnapping and rape, how NOT to have a toxic and abusive relationship, this book will provide you with perfect guidelines and examples about it.

How can this ever fall into a romance category? There is nothing here but a sexual encounter between a woman who lost in gambling to a man who would trade 50 pounds of her debt for a night of pure fu&king. That's all this is. Nothing after that. It stays on that one night of se%.

I purchased this book because I was under the false impression (thanks to the very wrongly category of steamy regency romance on Amazon) that I will actually read a story. Not read about two people boinking each other as the main focus with absolutely nothing else to follow.

I am beyond mad that this can fall into historical romance and steamy regency romance categories because it doesn't deserve to be there with the rest. This has as much of a plot as a porn video "with a story" where a guy comes to deliver pizza to some woman and then they boink and then he leaves, the end.

If you are looking for a se% scene, sure go ahead but even in that it is really below mediocre but if you are looking for something to actually read, for some actual characters and storyline, you are certainly not going to find it here.

This meticulously drawn graphic novel about Jeffrey Dahmer as a high schooler is a haunting portrait of a disturbed individual in his formative years and it depicts how the environment that he grew up in helped create one of the most notorious serial killers in recent memory.

The author-artist is fellow Dahmer classmate Derf Backderf, who proves how hindsight can be 20/20, recognizing all the disturbing behaviors and situations upon reflection, and after Dahmer's ghastly murders were committed. Derf has pieced together the timeline for the graphic novel with help from Dahmer's father's novel and other records, used recollections from other classmates, and paints a picture of Dahmer that is both shocking and in many ways sympathetic.

If there was ever a playbook for creating or spotting a serial killer Derf shows how Dahmer 'checks all the boxes': a disturbed mind and untreated mental illness, teenage alcoholism, isolated in a small town in an era when school had few rules, dysfunction at home where parents go through a nasty divorce, mother has her own mental health problems, dad is oblivious to his son's issues, Dahmer doesn't fit in at school and is bullied by some of his peers, repressed sexual urges and closeted homosexuality, interest in dead animals and roadkill, collection of animal carcasses, his apathy and lack of emotion. So many warning signs. So little done to step in.

Derf asks at one point 'Where were all the adults?' but he also recognizes that this was a different decade, a different era, and remarks that even his teachers would comment on rolling their own joints, and obviously turned a blind eye to a drunk Dahmer every day. There's also a point where, after Dahmer's first murder, thanks to shoddy police work, he SHOULD have been caught. Today, we have our eyes open to all sorts of new concerns, and schools have zero tolerance for any substance use and keep an eye out for mental health problems and bullying.

This is a tragic tale, but I appreciate that Derf told it the way he did (even with the adolescent ignorance involved) and that the movie adaptation happened. May another horrific set of crimes, or such a troubled individual, never come out of a similar circumstance again.

This is an extraordinary book.

It’s a sobering, sometimes difficult read, eye-opening, and enlightening. I had to put it down on many occasions, being constantly reminded of how Obama’s presidency has been followed by Trump’s is depressing enough, but the central focus is on challenging the American racism (and how the current toxic presidency has exposed this malignant state). Coates openly wrestles with his own changing views on the first Black Presidency, and demonstrates how deeply engrained systemic and societal racism infects everything in this country, Obama or no Obama.

‘We Had Eight Years in Power’ is practically required reading.

As Christians, we know we are called to love our neighbor. We may even grasp that "neighbor" encompasses more than just the people living next door or down the street. But what we too often don't know is how to begin. How do we love our neighbor? Where do we start? What does this look like in our increasingly isolated world? Following practices outlined in the first chapter of 2 Peter, Alexandra Kuykendall lays out the framework for where to begin. From practicing humility to listening with understanding to being generous in our relationships, Loving My Actual Neighbor offers practical, start-now steps readers can take to love their neighbors. With her approachable, friendly tone and down-to-earth advice, Kuykendall has carved out for herself a place in the hearts of readers, who will be thrilled to extend her commonsense approach into this sphere of their lives.

Amazon.com

In this latest installment of her Loving My Actual ______ series, Kuykendall ponders on the question: In an increasingly socially isolating world, how does one go about showing love for one's neighbor. Her use of the word "neighbor", she clarifies, isn't limited to one's literal next door neighbor, but really anyone we come in close proximity to throughout the course of our lives. 

The inspiration for this newest book came to Alexandra through her realization that she knew little to nothing of the woman living across the street from her for several years --- even though they had spoken briefly a number of times. Alexandra knew they had common ground between them, both being mothers of young children, but for the life of her, she could never remember her neighbor's name! Kuykendall compiles stories of not only her own journey to be a better neighbor, but also those of her friends and acquaintances who'd had a similar epiphany and also put themselves on a path toward change. 

Considering all these accounts she gathers together, Kuykendall comes up with a seven step plan on how to better appreciate our fellow humans. Using biblical text, primarily pulling from 2 Peter, Kuykendall's system brings it all back to the basics of just being a good-hearted human being. She encourages readers to pursue strong, nurturing relationships with others on a foundation of humility, empathy, and, ideally, unconditional generosity.  Each chapter closes on prompts for reflection: "Scripture to Digest" (relevant bible passage to think on); "Questions for Reflection"; "Practicing the Practice", which offers Pay It Forward type ideas to engage with others, making extra effort to speak to the lonely or isolated, etc; and "A Call To Saturday Living", a sort of meditative prayer focusing on how to best implement the themes of that chapter. 

KUYKENDALL'S 7 STEP PLAN

 

1. Holding a posture of humility

2. Asking questions to learn

3. Being quiet to listen

4. Standing in the awkward

5. Accepting what is

6. Lightening up

7. Giving freely

Once you have that foundation down, Kuykendall branches out into more specific suggestions of bonding with your neighbor: 

* Re: Conversations: Use open-ended questions, followed by clarification questions to show you are truly listening to the speaker, as well as follow-up questions for a later meet-up, to show you've been thinking of them. She points out: you never know when you might be the one person who bothered to check in on them when they needed it most! She also reminds readers to be prepared for an honest response to your questions and be empathetic enough to hear the person out! Additionally, take non-verbal cues into consideration (body language, facial expressions) and consider the setting of the conversation. Is the subject matter something that requires privacy? Is the setting generally hospitable?

* Cultural Filters: When interacting with others, consider specifics of the situation that may make their reaction different from what you might expect. Are they in mourning? Otherwise suffered a trauma? Are there cultural differences to take into account --- something that seems fine to you but might be considered offensive to them?

* Disputes: how to best give or receive forgiveness

* Food / Humor: useful in diffusing difficult situations

* Teamwork: tips on how to successfully partner with neighbors on projects

At the end of the book, Kuykendall offers a supplement, several pages long, entitled "More Ways To Connect With Your Neighbor". Within are a few different segments: "Additional Ideas for Practicing the Practice", "10 Ways to Connect with Families Throughout the Year" "10 Ways to Love Your Homebound Neighbor", and "10 Reasons to Have a Block Party".

When taking all this information in, Kuykendall frequently reminds her readers, practice makes perfect. This is not meant to be a one and done process, but an entire reboot in one's social interaction, intended to be carried out (hopefully) for the rest of your days. One of the portions I found most helpful was questions to ask when checking your motives for doing something:

* Am I investing in the outcome or the process?

* Am I expecting something in return?

* What am I willing to give up in order to love my neighbors well? 

* Would I do it anonymously?

* Will there be unintended consequences?

My honest response to this book, having read the previous two? This was my least favorite of the bunch. I got a lot out of the first two, and while there were still some good tips in this third one, and while I love that Kuykendall terms herself a "kitchen anthropologist", this third offering in the series had a few areas I found disturbingly problematic, given the theme of the work.

Yes, it has helpful pointers, but largely the message is one of common sense human decency. I don't know if she ran short on ideas and had to hit word count, but like many a self-help book out there, she establishes a few key points early on and then pretty much just repackages those ideas in numerous different ways throughout the following chapters. 

Beyond the repetitive nature of the text, there was an underlying element to this book that just SCREAMED privilege and bias. She swears she's not a judgmental person, yet some of her actions involving those of a lower income bracket than her family would (at least in part) indicate otherwise. There's even a line where she says (verbatim),"I have relationships with people who live in poverty." Wow. Okay. Way to put yourself out there?

Then there's the weird and frequent focus on the race of her various neighbors, usually closing with a pat on the back for herself for interacting with a minority without making it too awkward. In fact, there's a healthy dose of quiet humble brag throughout the whole book. But at least she does acknowledge that she does see needing to consistently work on her prideful nature. 

It's a worthwhile topic for discussion --- being better people to our fellow man --- and Kuykendall brings up fair suggestions.... but really, it's stuff we should know anyway, if we've been raised right.  Sadly, now, my once happy opinion of her work has been somewhat tainted over the privileged, disconnected tone that came through this latest work. 

FTC Disclaimer: Baker Books kindly provided me with a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. The opinions above are entirely my own. 

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My reviews for the previous two books in this series:

LOVING MY ACTUAL LIFE

LOVING MY ACTUAL CHRISTMAS

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EXTRAS

LOVING MY ACTUAL NEIGHBOR BOOK TRAILER LINK

(Scroll down to bottom of page to see video)

INTERVIEW WITH KUYKENDALL RE: LOVING MY ACTUAL NEIGHBOR