when my soul invites you - Mekina

Reading this was hard. On one hand it helps that while reading I've been watching SoA, but with the specific episodes (fuck all of S2 man, geez) it might've actually made reading this fic that much worse. Usually I can get through reading stuff like this because fiction (and not thinking too hard about how very real the situation can be for people) but geez. The point is: this is not an easy read. It's not exactly happy and the beginning is nothing but fucked up. I can't even pull a quote out for a good preview without it feeling too spoilery, so here it is hidden:

"How do you want me?" He seems completely unashamed of his nakedness. Almost unaware, like he's accustomed to it.

(spoiler show)

I think what makes it really hard to read is that in watching SPN this is a scenario (or some variation thereof) I've thought of before, one that an SPN fan pairing the Winchesters (within themselves, outside of ok not completely but really, how do they get away from that without being AU? the supernatural) with darkness in general has at least considered, however momentarily. So this isn't a new concept, far from it. But that doesn't make this one any easier.

It's no secret that leonidaslion is the master of broken!Dean, but Mekina is definitely an author I'll be reading again for more sad and broken Dean.

Dropped at 13%.

Like A Wheel, Gonna Spin It - leonidasl...

So wow, this was really freaking hot. Also,

Sam shoots Dean a look that shuts him right up. “You let a stranger with my face open you up and fuck you. Fine. I’m not going to do anything about it, and I’m going to let him have your mouth this one time because we owe him. But after that, it’s over. No one else, Dean, do you understand?”

“You’re—dude, what the fuck, are you marking your territory?”

wth? How did PWP end up making me laugh? I swear leonidaslion is the master of SPN fic.